Helping a shy child enter play…
The role of play in children’s development is crucial. Play supports children’s cognitive, physical, communication, emotional and self-help development. Play improves brain function and relieves oxidative stress. Play offers children a safe place to test and develop skills, their ideas and explore their feelings about the world. This exploration boosts children’s confidence and resiliency, all of which are useful lifelong tools. Maria Montessori aptly said “play is the work of children”. Play is beneficial for children. But what happens when our young children don’t seem to want to join in and play? What happens when they don’t know how to?
Play is often unstructured. Entering play can be a challenge for some young children. You may notice that a child stands back and just observes. You may find a child This partially has to do with Ori's temperament and developing his confidence, as well as being in a relatively new setting with relatively new peers, which affects his comfort level.
One thing to keep in mind is the size of the group Ori is entering. Entering a large group of more than 1-2 peers can be intimidating. Think of how it feels for you, as a grown up, to go up to a group of people at a party (remember those?!) as opposed to just one person. Therefore, focusing on the size of the interaction can be helpful and influence the ways in which Ori talks and interacts with others.
MAKE IT MANAGEABLE
GIVE SPECIFIC PRAISE
Focusing on having Ori enter interactions with smaller groups of children (one peer is optimal) will offer Ori an opportunity to increase his comfort level and confidence. How can you do this? One way is to currently limit how many children can play with his prefered materials ( leggos, blocks). This will make it more manageable for him.
Modeling and practicing what to say with Ori before you anticipate these situations, is a great way to increase pragmatic language around entering play. Checking in with Ori about how he thinks saying the words you modeled will be before he enters play and then circling back can be helpful. For example, after a playtime where you modeled language to enter play and Ori told you "I think it's going to be a challenge" you could say "I noticed you really wanted to play with Sammy and you went up to him and said... that was a challenge for you and you did it, that was amazing and I saw how much fun you had". Providing descriptive feedback and praising Ori when he uses the language that you modeled, is an excellent way to reinforce this positive action. Providing praise and feedback will increase the likelihood of Ori using that sort of language again. It will build Ori's positive association between using his "big boy words" when he plays with friends even when it is tricky.
As time progresses and his confidence increases Ori can build on those positive experiences and increase the amount of peers he joins. You can then scale back the limit on how many students can play with certain toys.
Having Ori practice the skills with one peer is less overwhelming than in a group, and will allow Ori to develop his play skills without feeling overwhelmed which could cause him to withdraw further.
Another idea I have found useful, if possible, is grouping children who are outgoing with peers who tend to be shy. This can facilitate interactions and the development of relationships during activities such as snack, large group time, a dance activity, to share a bingo card, or to distribute snacks or to clean up., etc. The peer can also become a "social model" for Ori. This is a minimally intrusive way to encourage interaction.
